Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
