Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Randomize