I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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