what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
