Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Randomize
