You work out of a Hotel?
maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Randomize
