yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
Be still, my beating vagina.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize