you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize
