why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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