i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Randomize
