all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
