I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
foreskin is a definite game changer
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
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