Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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