You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
Basic items
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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