He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize