Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
Jerry, you need to find god
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
