good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Randomize
