Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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