you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Randomize
