the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Randomize
