And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Randomize
