you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Randomize
