Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
I think I am morally bankrupt
it hurts more in the daytime
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Randomize
