You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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