i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Randomize
