Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
