God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
