my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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