Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
