apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
I could fuck to npr.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
