come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
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