Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
