Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
At least life still wants to fuck me.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Randomize
