I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Randomize
