He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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