Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Randomize
