i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
