end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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