Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
