PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
my vag is so smooth its legendary
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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