Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize