Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
