Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Randomize
