i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
