Plan B is the new Plan A
No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Randomize
