Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Randomize
