Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize
