I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
