Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
Randomize
