You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize