Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Randomize
