shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
Randomize
