I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
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