you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
Randomize
