just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
