feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Randomize