I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
