If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
Randomize
