I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
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