She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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