Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
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