The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
