i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
