she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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