yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
