Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
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