I can text with my tongue
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
