I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
Randomize
