my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
