Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
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